Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
operation have a gay friend backfired
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
