i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
