morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
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you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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