Someone shit on the floor
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
