ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
