yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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