I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
