I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
