I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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