Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
