ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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