I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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