I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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