wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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