I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
