I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
