I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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