Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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