...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
