I'm going to jail i love you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
