So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm really busy with my period
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