I accidentally had phone sex last night
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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