Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.