I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.