Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year