Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?