On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
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started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys