If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.