omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....