watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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