It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
3 2 1 whiskey
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
