the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
