And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
