The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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