He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
