I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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