Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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