I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
