evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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