Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.