apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?