Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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