I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle