"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...