Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
