hell yes lets make some ravioli
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.