I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
