I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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