He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i've created a new STD.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
