i just had sex bonerless
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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