I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
