Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
