there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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