I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Floor bacon is actually really good
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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