YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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