Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
