It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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