if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
