I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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