He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize