So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
