his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize