U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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