final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
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Did we literally take a cab across the street
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire