ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
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Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
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almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out