We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"