I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
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I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.