i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.