just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse