You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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