I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
