arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
