The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
