im about as happy as oj after his trial
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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