dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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