so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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