I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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