i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
