you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
