i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
