You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
